At Least in the City Someone Would Hear Me Scream

INSIGHTOUT INTERVIEW WITH WADE ROUSE
At Least in the City Someone Would Hear Me Scream

ISO: Why did you move to the woods -- really?
Wade Rouse: I was insanely unhappy in my job, which I chronicled in my previous book, Confessions of a Prep School Mommy Handler. I had sold out for the job that had a lot of cash and power -- or least I thought it did -- only to find out I had sold out to myself. That coincided with turning 40 and finding these letters that my grandmother had written me. She was one of the early Walden devotees. She used to sit out on the porch in the old log cabin in the Ozarks and read to me from the Bible and Walden. She said the Bible was for her afterlife and Walden was for her "for here" life. So, all these things coalesced. The letters told me not to fall into a particular route [in this world] because once you do, you can't really get yourself off of it, like tires stuck in the mud. So, my partner Gary and I had gone on vacation to Saugatuck, Michigan, and we just fell in love with the area. We literally leapt off the bridge without parachutes. We sold the house, quit our jobs, left the city and our friends, and moved 400 miles to the middle of the woods way outside of town. I decided to try and be happy and follow my passion.

ISO: What was the hardest part of entering into a simpler life in the country? What does the city do for you that the woods just cannot compete with? Sure, the river's trickle, a bird's song, and a nice walk on a lone path with a loved one is precious, but what does a life in the city bring alive in you?
Wade Rouse: It's the energy that a city possesses, that vibe and heartbeat, which sweeps you along in it. When you live in the city you know you are privy to the latest and greatest, be it clothes, cars, hair, movies, trends. The move was especially hard for me, a man who considers Kenneth Cole to be on par with Gandhi for his contributions to the world. I live for the latest fads, the current cultural, societal and arts trends, so being without that - even for a short time - was difficult. When I sneaked away to an outlet mall, I wondered if spacesuits, or corsets were back in style, and thought that I might see dinosaurs or flappers out and about. For me, it was about finding that balance: I walk out into our woods and am instantly comforted by the quiet, the birds' singing. It sounds hokey, but living in the woods has grounded me. But I also realize I still need the city: I need the action and the buzz. One balances the other. We were recently in Manhattan, and just loved hitting the shops in Soho, and the restaurants, and the museums, and the theatre, and then we came back to our little knotty-pine cottage, and loved it just as much. I guess I'm sort of Jekyll and Hyde ... except, you know, not the David Hasselhoff Off-Broadway version and without the diabolical split personality, and with way better hair.

ISO: Transforming yourself "from a country rube into a sophisticated city boy" only to regress and go back into the woods to find yourself again isn't a journey a lot of people would make. You do it and you do it with such humor and a quiet wisdom: Thoreau reflection combined with a Fergalicious sass if you will. Where do you get your sense of humor? Does it run in your family?
Wade Rouse: You've captured the essence of the memoir perfectly, I think: "Thoreau reflection combined with a Fergalicious sass." I should so go on tour with Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas. I would sing "Glamourous" in falsetto. To be honest, I set out to write a very earnest, Barbara Kingsolver-y memoir about living off the land, chopping my own wood, but I learned that's just not me. And, to be real, I don't think that's realistic for most people. I think what I learned is that I can still be me - this very catty, culture-obsessed gay man - and yet still be quite centered, and thoroughly Thoreau. It's the balance we all seek in our lives. And, I mean, come on, how many people truly want to whittle and boil their own bath water? Sounds great, in theory, but I approached my life change with as much humor and honesty as I could. My sense of humor is equal parts defense mechanism and equal parts family inheritance. I grew up gay in the Ozarks, which - as I say in my first memoir, America's Boy, was like being an overweight Las Vegas showgirl: There was simply nowhere to hide. So, I used humor as both a shield and as a way to make sense of the insanity that was my life. It was the only way I knew to cope: I mean, I had to go cowtippin', and hunting, and do all these things when all I really wanted to do was read GQ and wear Gloria Vanderbilt jeans and topsiders. My family is very funny. Very funny. And the funniest woman I've ever know was my Great Aunt Blanche, who was like our own Phyllis Diller. She, along with my mom and Erma Bombeck, taught me having a sense of humor was the greatest gift in life.

ISO: You moved in 2006. So how are things now?
Wade Rouse: I always say I have a really sweet angel on one shoulder and a little devil with a voice like Harvey Fierstein on the other. I mean, Thoreau wanted to forgo fashion for simpler pursuits and I failed miserably. [Laughs ] I always thought it was about completely reinventing yourself -- you had to completely give up who you were to become a different person and it's really not about that reinvention. It's about becoming the person you always wanted to be -- flaws and all. In the summer, while we now have cable, we barely watch it because it's so beautiful outside. We're walking on the beach, we're sitting on the porch. We've learned to play games again and reconnect with one another -- all the things I used to do growing up in that log cabin in the Ozarks. But then again, it's OK to go to Chicago on a weekend shopping spree and basically ransack Michigan Avenue. It's OK to have that in you and yet appreciate what's around you. One of the greatest things - and one that people have really noticed and been touched by - is that this memoir is really a love story, about two men supporting each other's dreams wholeheartedly, believing in one another unconditionally. I don't think there's enough books today that show a loving gay relationship, complete with flaws, fights, and all.

ISO: You quote Thoreau in the book and you have been compared to him, so I have to ask: If you were single, what would be the best thing about dating Thoreau...if he were into dating you?
Wade Rouse: [Laughs ] Oh, my God. Interesting question. We would probably have similar quests for balance in our lives. Here's a guy who came from a family with a successful business and he tried his hand at it, was not happy, and left to find himself. In many ways, I think he succeeded -- and he failed. He inspired so many people, but he ended up going back to the city very quickly. He headed back to the city more than what he notes in Walden. I think that's the similarity -- that you can be filled with all these flaws but still be able to find happiness and success. But I think the two of us would fall apart because he was able to live off the seven acres of beans and I don't particularly like doing anything with my hands that involves doing something dirty ... unless it's really dirty. [ Laughs ] He liked to cook over an open fire. He liked to eat raw animals -- so, yeah, that would have sucked pretty badly, I think. And his hair was not good, so that would have been a deal-breaker for me. He could have used a hell of a lot of product. And some thinning shears.

ISO: So, should more gays head to the woods?
Wade Rouse: I don't know if gays have to head to rural America. So many gay people in America tend to be running from something in their lives. Too many of us, I think. It's a matter of asking ourselves if we're happy and asking ourselves what we want. And going after that. And if that is moving to the city, that's great. If it's taking a break from the city and heading to a park every Sunday to find some peace, that's wonderful. I do truly feel you have to get lost, metaphorically, in the woods once in your life so that you can find yourself. We all tend to just kind of go along. I found out, with my mother's recent passing, this is a really short journey and we better well be damn happy with where we're headed. Life can go within a blink of an eye, and I don't mean to sound clichŽ, but it really can. America was founded on taking a lot of risks and I don't know how many of us really do that anymore. I hope people do. I hope they take a risk

ISO: Do you like your new rural neighbors?
Wade Rouse: Like most people, we have great neighbors and whacked-out-of-their-mind neighbors. A few even have night-vision goggles. Honest to God. They came over and brought us soup the first time and said, "We've been keeping an eye on your house." And we said, "Oh really." And they said, "Yes. We have night-vision goggles!" It scared the bejesus out of me. And we were wearing pj's with dancing canoes, and I think had been doing some naughty things to each other. So we instantly had Gary's mother make us curtains. We live next to a trailer too, and one of the former residents showed us his "man burrito" sans dressing. Impressive but shocking. So, that's what we're kind of surrounded by as well as these wonderfully kind of Aunt Bee neighbors, who want nothing more than to love us and take care of us and be friends.

ISO: So, what's the best advice you received from neighbors?
Wade Rouse: "Kill the critters." We tried to relocate them and save them and that didn't work out so well. They just kept coming back: The chipmunks, squirrels, the rabbits, so we were told to "just go ahead, shoot 'em. Or hit 'em with a shovel, but get rid of 'em before they cause any damage." Also, if you're going to live in the woods, dress appropriately. I used to dress in chokers, tank tops, and $200 jeans when I went out, and really, all you need is a $5 pair of waders.

ISO: I loved the list of all-time favorite music you get ready to in the morning (while perfecting dance moves of course you multitasker!). Freedom is a classic. Any song you may have left out? I think that tidbit of information was very endearing. I could see you getting ready and dancing and trying to get in a fabulous mood to start your day. Any other faves you can share? Makeup? Authors? Designers?
Music-wise, Lady Gaga, Kelly Clarkson and Justin Timberlake are in my stable, too, along with Estelle and Anastacia. I do love classical music and jazz, as well, (I played the trombone in high school ... yes, nightmare! For that you need to read my first memoir, "America's Boy"). Gary sells Mary Kay, just so we can get the discount! He acts like his life is a never-ending episode of "Evening Shade." But I have to admit that I swear by my Mary Kay creams and scrubs and facials and line reducers. The stuff works. And I use Clinique Bronzer by the tub. And Burt's Bees lip shimmer (but of course). Fashion-wise, I heart Hugo Boss and Kenneth Cole, because those clothes fit me so well (I'm a big runner, and I need tighter, more tailored pieces, or I just swim in the clothes). I also like a bit trendier, edgier style. Gary is more of a classic, and buys Calvin Klein and Ben Sherman. And we both still love mall classics, like Banana Republic, Gap. My favorite authors include Erma Bombeck (my hero!), David Sedaris, Jen Lancaster, Tom Perrotta, Bill Bryson, Tom Wolfe, Joan Didion, Jay McInerny and Bret Easton Ellis. I do not read while I'm writing a book; but when I finish, I inhale books in a month's span, before I shut down and write again.

ISO: What are you working on next?
Wade Rouse: My next memoir just sold again to Harmony/Random House and will be out next fall. It's a full-on, full-season holiday memoir (New Year's Eve to Christmas, along with Easter, Mother's Day, Memorial Day, Ash Wednesday, Thanksgiving, Secretary's Day, etc.). It's tentatively titled BIG BOX O' WINE: Or How I Survived My Family Holidays. I hope to see it sold through ISO (hint, hint, Michael)! I think how we as a country as well as individual families celebrate the holidays is fascinating, scary and wholly unique. We're all united by the holidays, and yet we all have these bizarre, funny, idiosyncratic traditions and ways we celebrate. And I think nothing shows the evolution of a family better than the holidays. In addition, I'm serving as editor of an anthology of stories about dogs entitled I'M NOT THE BIGGEST BITCH IN THIS RELATIONSHIP: Hilarious, Heartwarming Tails from Man's Best Friends & America's Favorite Humorists. It's going to be an amazing essay collection, distinguished by the fact that all the stories will be funny as hell (no Marley & Me morosity!) and that a part of the proceeds will benefit the ASPCA and Humane Society. Right now, I've already gotten some big-name (and I mean BIG) humor writers and comics who happen to be dog lovers involved in the project.